either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
