The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize