i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
