Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
