girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
