It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
