just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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