Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
i think i just lost a toe
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
