i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
