Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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