i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
