Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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