Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
