is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
