If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
