You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
