Got a toothbrush?
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
tell me about the eggs
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
