how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
