she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize