Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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