I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
