if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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