When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
