i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
3pm strippers are depressing
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
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