Just mADE A PArabola og urine
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Is that strawberry winking at me??
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
