girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
