and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
