so explain again why im purple
no
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
