Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
the condom got lost in my hair
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
