I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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