im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I will pee on everything he values.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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