Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize