mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
