Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
