Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
