$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize