Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
MIDGETS
????
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Randomize
