Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
