I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
