You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
