Don't make out with my wife yet
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
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