Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
