Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
