Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
