Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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