We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
