That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
