Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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