Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
