I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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