guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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