the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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