No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
