i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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