if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Randomize