p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
