don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
