I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize