Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
