I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
