I'm going to jail i love you
from now on my penis is your penis
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
