Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
There's always time for handjobs
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
