who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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