we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize