I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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