I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
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