she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
