zippers are such a cool invention
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
His nipple licking is glorious
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